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Fanfic: This is a pickup! - Alicia/Kalinda

Title: This is a pickup!
Author: schwarmerei1
Fandom/Pairing: The Good Wife, Alicia/Kalinda
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,300
Warning: Booze, Flirting, Implied Abuse
Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect, CBS, Scott Free, and the Kings own them
Summary: This started as comment fic in response to a request from unecinephile for “a scene where Alicia naively/schoolgirlishly asks Kalinda "How does one know when a woman is hitting on one?", and Kalinda's all "Like this..." -WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU MA'AM!”
Spoilers: Through episode 4.02
Author's Note: Thanks to hotladykisses for giving this a once over. (Yes, you get thanked!)

They’re two shots in and Kalinda is trying to pace herself by taking swallows from her glass of water. Before, she wouldn’t have bothered, but while she and Alicia are better (much much better) they’re not great. Not to mention, Kalinda has other shit going on at the moment...

So when Alicia (always quicker to feel the effects of tequila than Kalinda is) blurts out “How do you know when a woman is trying to pick you up?” It’s not surprising that Kalinda’s first response is to almost choke on her water. This is a good thing, because it gives her a moment to compose herself.

“That depends on the two women involved.”

“Oh?” Alicia looks like she hadn’t considered this.

“Sure, say it was Agent Delaney...”

“What, and you?”

Kalinda smiles, it’s progress that Alicia can be a bit sly with her.

“Yeah, say it was Lana and someone like me. She’d probably just make eye contact from the other end of the bar and then nod her head at the door?”

Alicia looks incredulous. “Would that work?!”

“You asked how I would know if a woman was trying to pick me up, not what would succeed.”

“Point.” Alicia looks down at her empty shot glass. “Say it wasn’t your FBI stalker...” Kalinda laughs at that. “But someone, uh, less obvious and she was trying to pick up someone who, well wasn’t like you...” Alicia doesn’t really know quite how to ask this question.

“Did a woman come on to you Alicia?”

Alicia looks embarrassed. “I thought she was. Apparently she wasn’t.”

Kalinda is surprised by the strength of the feeling that shoots through her at the idea of Alicia and a woman that isn’t her. It’s not even jealousy -- not exactly. But whatever it is feels intense. Because she’s not jealous, was never so of Will, even liked feeling that she was instrumental in bringing them together (although if anyone asked why she liked it, she wouldn’t say.) Because if she’s told herself that she must not ever make a try at Alicia, that it can’t happen, then she has no right to feel jealousy.

“Are you sure she wasn’t?”

Alicia shrugs, “That’s what she said.”

“Did you turn her down?”

“Yes -- God, badly too. I embarrassed myself.”

Kalinda feels a kind of relief seep through her.

“She might have been back-tracking. If you turned her down I mean. It’s awkward when you misread interest.”

Alicia’s smiling again, ducking her head and shaking it. “No, I think my read was the one that was off.”


“Well, glad we got that settled.”

“Yeah.” Kalinda signals for another round.

Alicia contemplates the two empty shots in front of her. “You never actually answered my question.”

“Really? I didn’t?” Kalinda is all raised eyebrows and faux evasiveness.

“No, you didn’t. So, say a woman was trying to pick me up, how would I be able to tell?”

And Kalinda knows she shouldn’t, but well, the chance she’ll get another opening like this are remote. And Alicia did ask. Twice. And they’re sitting on either side of a corner at the bar, it’s perfect.

“Lots of eye contact to start with.” Kalinda catches Alicia’s eyes with her own.

Alicia’s laughing, but she’s also not looking away.

“Incidental touching, but you know, not too obvious.” Kalinda offers Alicia one of the newly delivered shots, but doesn’t let go immediately. Their fingers touch.

“Not at first anyway.” Kalinda winks.

Alicia accepts her glass. They both raise them, then swallow and bite into their lime wedges.

“Maybe some more contrived excuses to touch you. Pass the peanuts?”

Alicia reaches over and extends the bowl to Kalinda who takes it in one hand, using the other to lightly scrape Alicia’s bare wrist with her nails.

“That was very contrived!”

“Yeah.” Kalinda smirks. “I might recross my legs and accidentally touch your leg too.”

Alicia feels the pointed toe of Kalinda’s boot graze her calf.

“If you didn’t move away, I might be tempted to do it again.” She does, tracing a line from Alicia’s slender ankle halfway to her knee.

“You’re appalling.” Alicia says, but looks like she’s enjoying herself.

“Yeah.” Kalinda replies. “Doing stuff that involves your mouth usually indicates interest too.” She pops a few nuts in her mouth, and then licks the salt off her fingers. Slowly.

Alicia watches. “Any other indications I should know about?”

“Leaning forward to show off the girls.” Kalinda does so, luckily the dress she’s wearing has a scooped neckline and her leather jacket is slung over the back of her barstool.

Alicia glances.

Kalinda gives her little snorting giggle. “I can’t believe you looked!”

“They’re right there!”

“Did you enjoy the view?”

Alicia is blushing (of course!) but still gamely playing, “Yes, on purely aesthetic grounds.”

They both crack up. Kalinda leans back. She’s had her fun, probably shouldn’t push it. But another round can’t hurt, so she beckons again.

“So, say I was still unsure. Is there a definitive sign I should be on the lookout for?”

Their new glasses arrive. Kalinda pushes Alicia’s over to her.

“Say I did this.” She licks the back of her hand, sprinkles salt on the spot and offers it to Alicia. “You’d know for sure then.”

“Kalinda, I’m not licking your hand.”

Kalinda pulls her hand back smiling. “Hmmm, I should have waited another round. Might have worked then.”

“Oh really?” Alicia is surprised by how much fun she’s having playing around like this. It’s silly, but there is a tiny frisson as well. “You think four shots would do it?”

“You’re a bigger challenge than average definitely, who knows?”

“Kalinda! Okay, stop alright.” But her face is fond and altogether it’s the best time they’ve had together since...well...

“Drink then!” Kalinda demands. She downs hers and Alicia follows suit.

Kalinda gives a happy sigh as she sucks on her lime wedge.

“That probably should be the last one I guess?” Alicia makes it sound like a question.

“Yeah.” Kalinda has a lot to deal with. Getting home completely intoxicated is an especially bad idea at the moment. Apparently that shows on her face because Alicia looks more serious too.

“Kalinda...” She’s not sure how to broach this, but it has been on her mind for days. “When you told me about your husband, you said he wasn’t dangerous anymore.”

Kalinda’s face freezes, she doesn’t say anything.

“I don’t believe you. What’s going on?”

Kalinda swallows, compared to the lightness a moment ago she feels ambushed.

Except that Alicia’s face is kind, not exasperated and she says gently “Please let me help you.”

“Alicia...” Kalinda had steeled herself for that conversation in Alicia’s office, knew she had to make sure Alicia was protected, knew what she was going to say to make it happen. Now she’s floundering. “I’m trying not to involve you.” It’s feeble, Nick is making sure Alicia is involved.

Alicia takes Kalinda’s hand, “But I am involved.”

“This isn’t a conversation I can have here.” Kalinda’s eyes are wet. She feels like she’s coming apart.

“Okay, we won’t then. Come home with me.” Alicia pulls bills out of her wallet.

Kalinda’s usually perfect posture is absent, she looks sunken on her barstool.

Alicia tugs at her hand. “Come home with me. We’ll talk. I’m your friend.”

Kalinda meets Alicia’s eyes, slides to her feet. Alicia doesn’t let go of her hand as they leave the bar.

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*Gah!* You need to pay for my bill when I see the doctor for my twisted neck! What a mood shift!

I kinda like and hate Nick. I am conflicted.

And omg, I LOVED seeing Alicia think she was hitting on her! That whole scene was adorable and yes, Kalinda would have been utterly and undeniably jealous about it!

You handled this wonderfully! Thanks for sharing!

Well this isn't the most thought out in-depth character study. *cough* But I kind of see Alicia as being that bad at dealing with thoughts she's repressed that she would be that blurty. Sorry about the whiplash.

Now, you're the first person I've come across that has any love for Nick. Your thoughts?

You may not believe this, but after watching ep 3 I am already over him! He got annoying very quickly. They tried the food mess again with the egg. BUt to start off with, I think I may have kinda him because of the confidence. But yeah, got old quick. Oh well. All for the better really since obviously K is trying to keep him away from work, or really, away from Alicia!


Well that was light (right up to the end) and very sweet. Oddly,I found the transition just right-- it seems to me that they'd both have to have their guard down a bit to get into the mess with Nick.

I also liked the premise-- it seemed a bit odd to me that Alicia was so *snap* "I'm married" with Maddie when she's been completely clueless that K is over the top in love with her. Either she's not as clueless as I've thought all along, or hell, maybe Maddie is out in the community? If the later, your set up is very plausible-- it's easy to see A pulling K aside to process.

Anyway, I just loved the whole tone of this, A encouraging K to flirt, and both of them laughing and having fun with each other. That image of K showing off "the girls" and A checking them out-- you made it all very natural, and very warm, and I then love even more how it led into the demonstration of care at the end.

I agree, I think if Alicia attempted a serious conversation out of the gate Kalinda would just deflect her. At this point anyway.

I personally don't think Alicia's completely clueless about Kalinda's feelings for her, but I think she tell herself 'Kalinda may be attracted to me'. I don't think she's available to see the epic love.

It will be interesting to see what happens with Maddie. The Missus only just watched this ep yesterday because she's been away, and Maura Tierney was about 2 lines into the dialogue of the first scene when she exclaimed "Is she coming on to Alicia?" Heh. I personally wondered if they were painting Maddie as having Aspberger's with all her socisl awkwardness and the line "Look at us talking like normal human beings" But, no doubt, she has an agenda!

And I need to believe those two can have fun together and enjoy each other, especially now! If someone wants to come up with something smuttier, that would help ease the pain too.


Thanks doll! I think that's my first ever capslock comment. That must count for something! ;-)

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